What is an Affirming Church and How Do You Find One?

An “affirming church” is a term that describes churches that are fully open to the participation of LGBTQ members. While many churches claim to welcome LGBTQ individuals to attend their services, they do not all permit the full participation of queer people.

For example, a truly affirming church will permit someone who identifies as LGBTQ to participate as a pastor, priest, or other church leader. An affirming church will also have no problem with performing a same-sex marriage.

Finding an affirming church can make a huge positive impact on the religious lives of LGBTQ and allied Christians.

Affirming Churches and Same-Sex Marriage

A truly affirming church will perform same-sex marriages without much internal controversy or struggle. Even today, some churches that aren’t explicitly anti-gay still struggle to find support among members to perform same-sex marriages. 

Same-sex marriage is legal in the entire United States due to a Supreme Court Case ruling in 2015, which was reinforced by a federal law passed in 2022.

However, a church does not have to perform a same-sex marriage if it does not want to. This makes the issue of same-sex marriage a telling sign for potential members who are looking for an affirming, LGBTQ-friendly church.

If a church doesn’t perform same-sex marriages, it is a good indicator that the church will not support its LGBTQ members in other ways.

Affirming Churches and Church Leadership Roles

One of the characteristics that differentiate “affirming” churches from churches that simply allow LGBTQ members is whether LGBTQ people can participate in church leadership roles.

It is important to understand that some churches welcome LGBTQ individuals to attend, but will not let them participate in a leadership capacity.

Affirming churches permit full participation for LGBTQ people. For example, the Evangelical Lutheran Church permits LGBTQ people to become ordained clergy.

A related issue is whether women can fully participate as leaders in a church. A church that doesn’t allow female pastors or priests is less likely to feel fully welcoming to LGBTQ people.

How to Find an Affirming Church

Sometimes it’s easy to find an affirming church. In major cities, some churches will actively seek out LGBTQ members. They might fly a rainbow flag during pride month or feature inclusive language on their website.

Other times, identifying an affirming church takes additional research. Start with recommendations from family and friends. If that doesn’t work, look into a church’s stances online.

One tip for researching an affirming church is to look into its history. Did the church support gay marriage before it was legal? Does the church have a history of discrimination against LGBTQ people or other minorities? Research how the church’s stances have changed through time.

Another way to identify whether it is fully open and welcoming to LGBTQ participation is to identify its denomination.

Affirming Denominations

One simple way to identify an affirming church is to understand the church’s denomination. A denomination refers to the larger organization that a church belongs to. For example, common religious denominations in the United States are Roman Catholic, United Methodist, Southern Baptist, etc.

For example, Metropolitan Community Church is a church based around the idea of fully welcoming LGBTQ individuals. Everywhere in the country, MCC is focused on LGBTQ rights and other human rights issues. If there is an MCC church in your city, you can rest assured it is an affirming church.

The United Church of Christ is another progressive denomination that will likely feel welcoming to queer people in any part of the country. The UCC supported gay marriage as far back as 2005. In North Carolina, the leadership of the UCC initiated the lawsuit that led to the legalization of gay marriage in the state.

If you happen to live in the Carolinas, we can recommend these affirming churches in Charlotte and Raleigh. No matter where you live, some of the denominations listed in those articles will be welcoming and open to LGBTQ members.

Lutheran churches are also generally LGBTQ-friendly, as are Episcopal churches. You should investigate an individual church before joining, however, to make sure the congregation is a good fit for you.

Other denominations are not so easy. For example, Baptist and Methodist churches are split over LGBTQ equality, so more research on an individual church is sometimes necessary. Additionally, some churches are “non-denominational,” meaning they are independent of any larger organization.

Other Factors in Choosing a Church

In addition to identifying an affirming church based on the above criteria, you may have other questions about a church before committing to joining as a member.

For example, many queer people want to join a church that supports their views toward society, including views on race, ethnicity, and other matters related to social justice. The Metropolitan Community Church is known for its active role in advocating for immigrants, gun safety, and other societal issues. The United Church of Christ also has progressive societal views.

You might also want to know what volunteer and charitable efforts the church participates in, locally. Consider supporting a church that gives back to its community through food banks, homeless shelters, and other similar efforts.

Another factor in choosing a church is finances. Churches rely on their members for money, so as a member of a church, you should understand where and how that money is used.

Also, for LGBTQ and allied Christians, it’s important to find a whose style of worship matches your own. Do you enjoy spending Sunday mornings listening to sermons, or do you prefer a more interactive worship style? Do you enjoy music at church, or do you prefer a quieter experience?

Finally, make sure the church’s schedule works for you, logistically. If you can’t find time to attend church in person, consider a church that offers a livestream of its services. This service is becoming increasingly popular amongst many churches.

Conclusion

An affirming church invites LGBTQ people to fully participate in church leadership, ceremonies, and all other aspects of church life. LGBTQ people are fully equal to other members of an affirming church.

Finding an affirming church can be crucial to the spiritual well-being of an LGBTQ person or ally. LGBTQ experiences with religion are often mixed and sometimes painful. An affirming church can allow LGBTQ Christians to connect with their spirituality without judgment or pain.

References

United Church of Christ – UCC.org

MCC: A Gay Church, LGBTQ Church, Human Rights Church & More

Episcopal Church – LGBTQ

NY Times – Lutherans Offer Warm Welcome to Gay Pastors (2010)

NY Times – United Church of Christ Backs Same-Sex Marriage (2005)